From Kendall Stewart, M.A., Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT #124997, Supervised by Donna Scott, LMFT #30175 Employed by SDICF (kstewart@sdicouples.com)

Hi Community,

Sending you each thoughts of comfort during these continued scary times. I wanted reach out and provide some tips for you all as you support the kids in your life. Often times when tragic events happen it feels so overwhelming as we want to not only support our children as they navigate growing up, we are also trying to keep them safe. With the most recent tragedy in Texas, New York, and California we are once again reminded of how hard we must work for that safety. Here are a few reminders and tips on how to support your kids in hopes that this information can bring a touch of ease in this difficult time.

Take care of yourself. You might be feeling anxious and scared. Those feelings are normal. Kids spend a lot of time with their caregivers and can sense when emotions are running high. Help them by helping yourself. Journal, cry, talk, find movement, give yourself what you need to process what is happening.
Limit your media intake. What happened does not make sense. Often when tragedy strikes we try to take in as much information as we can to make sense of the event in hopes of finding ways to prevent it in the future. So, watching the news over and over to gather all possible information is a common reaction. But is it helpful? Is it leaving you feeling more anxious? Maybe it is time to limit how much of the news you’re watching. Or set boundaries around the conversations you are having regarding tragic events.
Provide extra comfort. Your kids could be scared and sensing something isn’t the same. You may find that they need more reassurance and physical comfort. You may find they are having difficulty with things they have mastered. They might be a bit more irritable. This is their way of communicating that they need you for more comfort, love, and support.
Use age appropriate language. From preschoolers to teens they might come to you with a lot of questions. It is important your answer them honestly and age appropriately. Remember kids are curious because they are learning about life. Unfortunately, this is a part of life. They understand and hear more then we sometimes expect. Prepare yourself to ask what they are feeling and to answer any questions that might pop up.
Worry is normal. It is a natural response to want to protect our children from any difficult feelings and worry is absolutely on that list. However, worry is not something we can avoid. Helping them manage and work through their worries is something you can support.
Be realistic. Don’t say these things will never happen again. Instead you can say something that lets them know that you and the adults in their life are doing all they can to keep them safe. In an age appropriate way tell them the ways you all are doing that.
Night time might be a little tougher. The evening is usually when we begin to process the day. So, keep in mind your kids’ worries may elevate more around bedtime. Listen and comfort. Be ready for a bit of bed time push back.
Find ways for your kids to express themselves. Maybe it is through story telling dancing, drawing, playing with toys, or anything else they might find expressive.
Teens may need different ways to express themselves. A lot of times teens have a difficult time talking to their parents. Make sure you let them know you are there for them when they are ready to talk. Also, provide other ideas of people they can talk to (friends, family, school counselors, therapists, mentors, and other folks in their support systems.)
As you are monitoring your media intake it is extremely important you monitor yours kids as well.
Keep in mind if your kids already struggles with difficult emotions be proactive in thinking of ways to get them extra support.

Again, these are difficult times and not only are you managing your own emotions you are also holding space and finding ways to support the young people in your life. This is not an easy task. Reach out for support when you or your the kid/kids you support need it.

In Community,

Kendall Stewart, AMFT