How well do you know your partner?

One of the most important features of successful couple relationships is the quality of the friendship. Do you know your partner's inner world? Take Dr. John Gottman's quiz below and find out.

1. I can name my partner's best friends. Yes / No

2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing. Yes / No

3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately. Yes / No

4. I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams. Yes / No

5. I can tell you about my partner's basic philosophy of life. Yes / No

6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least. Yes / No

7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well. Yes / No

8. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. Yes / No

9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately. Yes / No

10. My partner really respects me. Yes / No

11. There is fire and passion in this relationship. Yes / No

12. Romance is definitely still part of our relationship. Yes / No

13. My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship. Yes / No

14. My partner generally likes my personality. Yes / No

15. Our sex life is mostly satisfying. Yes / No

16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me. Yes / No

17. My partner is one of my best friends. Yes / No

18. We just love talking to each other. Yes / No

19. There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions. Yes / No

20. My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree. Yes / No

21. My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver. Yes / No

22. We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life. Yes / No

Your score:

15 or more Yes answers: You have a lot of strength in your relationship. Congratulations!

8 to 14: This is a pivotal time in your relationship. There are many strengths you can build upon but there are also some weaknesses that need your attention.

7 or fewer: Your relationship may be in serious trouble. If this concerns you, you probably still value the relationship enough to try to get help.

We at San Diego Institute for Couples and Families are extensively trained to help you get back to being connected to your spouse.

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10 Myths about Emotions and Marriage

Next time you run into one of these myths, make sure you remember the truth.

#1. “Happy couples don't Argue.” Even in the best relationships couples have arguments.

#2. “Men don't do emotions.” When one feels safe and you know what questions to ask and how to ask them… watch out!

#3.  “Women are more sensitive then men.” Just not true.

#4. “Emotions are irrational.” Oh my goodness they make so much sense, especially in the context of relationships.

#5. “Emotions get in the way of making good decisions.” Dig deep into your primary emotions and they will not get in the way.

#6. “Your thoughts are in charge of your emotions.” The opposite is also actually true.

#7. “Painful feelings are always bad.” If you don't allow yourself to feel the pain, you won't feel your happiness very deeply.

#8. “Experiencing emotion makes it worse.” Actually it can make it better.

#9. “Emotions get in the way of making business decisions.” Again, like #5, only if you are reactive but when you dig deeper into your primary emotions you will find a lot of help making decisions.

#10. “Anger is always bad.” Anger is like the tip of an iceberg and it’s a sure sign that usually under the water is the deeper emotion. It's actually a signal that something deeper is going on.

This excerpt is from an article written by Dr. Brent Bradley and Dr. Jim Furrow (who we have had the opportunity to study EFT from.) If you would like to read the full article you may find it here: http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=1760#.Vqp-dqOxBe0.facebook

#SDICF We know how to help you!

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